As one who has entered the hormonal enigma of what some call “aging gracefully” (while others prefer the term “hormone hell”) I often find myself unaware of where I am in my cycle – and IF I am even cycling.

Case in point – I woke this morning and hopped on the scale to check my pre-dress, pre-coffee weight like I do most mornings.  When the tale was told, my weight was up 3 lbs since yesterday.

Three times the scale told me the same story.  Up 3 lbs. UP. Up, up.

I stepped off of the scale and turned to face myself in the mirror, the real me with unbrushed hair and bed wrinkles creasing one side of my face.

I’d not slept well (and it showed), and not nearly long enough.  Waking at 3:43 with heart pounding and drenched in sweat will deal a death blow to slipping easily back into a peaceful sleep, and with Hubby snoring loudly enough to cause me to grit my teeth even though I’m wearing earplugs….  I should know…I lay there and watched the clock until 4:20 while my muscles tightened and my teeth clenched in frustration.  Every nerve in my being seemed coiled to spring.  So, I squelched the urge to pinch Hubby and I rose for the day and took my agitation with me.

Yes, I’ll admit.  PMS did cross my mind as I lay there unable to relax. So did a lot of other things that I probably shouldn’t put into print.

A couple of weeks ago, I did sense a rise in libido and that twinge in my side could have been ovulation and not the spicy chicken fingers I’d eaten the day before.  And, last night I did feel chilled and a little obsessively focused, and (I suppose a wee bit) cranky and not quite “myself.”  And, my breasts have been a bit tender, which is unusual for me.

But up 3 lbs?  Overnight? With no change in diet or activity? (Okay, so maybe yesterday I did snack on a few potato chips and that chocolate covered cherry…it was just one – okay, okay…it was two….)

And, 3 hours after rising, with 3.5 large cups of black coffee in me…I realize I’m putting in and not putting out.  Definitely retaining fluid.

And, no, this is definitely NOT on my agenda or in my game plan for this week.

It’s the first week of the month…of the year…a busy work week where I need focus.  I’d prefer NOT to have the fatigue and foggy brain that are creeping in around the edges as I type this. And, if I could have my preference at this point in time, I would prefer to be facing something more like…CD7 or CD8 than the possibility of CD1.  (Just saying.)

I find myself fidgeting in my seat, a combined result of too much caffeine and hypersensitivity of all of my senses.

Bring it on – I’m (period) wise enough to know this hormonal/neurological storm will pass in time…just go with the flow and enjoy the ride.  Look out world!  Here I AM!

Where am I?

I’m on the cusp of something wonderful, something powerful, something ancient and awesome. I tremble with anticipation.

(Or, is it caffeine?)

Perhaps tomorrow morning the scale will show a drop of MORE than 3 lbs.

Onward and evermore, period wise.