Finding Normal

Everyone knows what normal is…right?

Normal is…normal.

It’s behavior and activity that is common.  It’s what we assume is experienced by most, if not all.  It’s what’s expected. It’s what we’re accustomed to.

Did you know that what you consider normal might not be “normal” at all?

Did you know that your normal menstrual experience is unique to you? Why? Because YOU are unique and all that goes into making you who you are affects you – uniquely.

While the words you use to describe your experience are words commonly used by most women to describe the normal ins and outs, ups and downs of menstruation, these words are unique because of the meanings we attach to them individually.

After all, it’s normal for some women to experience heavy flow, right?  And, we all know what “heavy” means.

No.  We don’t.

YOU know what you mean when you give your flow a designation of light or heavy to signify amount and duration.  But, I don’t know unless you elaborate.  What I know is what I mean when I say “heavy period” and I naturally assume you mean the same thing.

If you tell me, “I’m having cramps” I”m going to filter your comment through what I’ve experienced myself and suggest what’s worked for me.  And, if my experience has been to have very little pain period wise, I’m going to make an assumption that may be wrong.

While it’s common for women to experience flow that is heavier on some days than it is on others, and it’s somewhat expected to experience some discomfort at some point during your cycle, considering either “normal” is not period wise.

However, knowing what is normal for YOU is period wise.

Finding normal is important.  And, understanding what your normal is and how it differs from what other women experience helps us see how unique we truly are.  And, it can also reveal to us a need to take a closer look at what we assume to be normal but may, in reality, be quite abnormal.

The only way to find normal is to give voice to what we are experiencing and do so using unique words that avoid general / normal terms like “heavy” or “light” or “crampy.”

Break the pattern of over-generalization and let’s get specific.

Find your normal and compare it with the normal experiences of others. I guarantee you, it will be an awakening long overdue.

If what you discover creates questions or causes alarm – talk with your doctor using specific terms and accurate counts.

Menstruation is not a time for generalization.

We are uniquely ourselves during that brief time in our cycle. Find your normal and you will find yourself. Share your normal and you share yourself with others. Embrace the normal of another and you gain a depth of appreciation for and understanding of another woman and her experience of normal that will enrich your own experience.

Finding normal is period wise.

DeTox the Box

I know – the FDA does not require manufacturers of tampons or pads to reveal many details about what’s in their products.  I also know they RECOMMEND a lot of things.

Recommend and require are two different things, as you well know (especially if you’ve had any dealings with children).

All I’ll say about that for now is that if these companies cared as much about women as they say they do, they would make sure we know without a doubt that their product contains NOTHING that will harm us NOW or in the FUTURE. (Why hide it? Unless, of course, you have something to hide.)

But, it’s apparent they don’t care.  It’s all about the money. Nuff said about that.  Moving on.

Check out the video DeTox the Box.

And, while you watch it, rethink your choice of feminine hygiene product.

DeTox the Box

What’s in YOUR Tampon?

What’s in YOUR tampon?

Don’t know?

Then why is it in your vagina?

Seriously, Ladies – why is it in your vagina if you don’t know what’s in it?

Hello? Can I get an amen on that?

Please, stop and think what it is you are placing inside of you.

I know tampons are convenient – believe me…I know.

But, when you slip a traditional tampon (think Playtex, Tampax, Kotex, U, O.B.) inside of you, some very nasty chemicals leach out of the tampon and into some of the most delicate tissues your body possesses.  And, these chemicals can and do cause a wide array of health issues.

Take a look at your tampon box.

Do you see a full list of ingredients?  What about chemicals involved in manufacturing, bleaching, creating, disinfecting the materials used in these tampons?  Do you see them listed?

Ever wonder why not?

There’s good reason for companies not to list these harmful ingredients.

If you knew what you were doing to your body each time you inserted a tampon that is anything other than 100% natural, certified organic cotton (no defoliant, no chlorine, no chemicals, no synthetic fibers) – you would choose a more health and body friendly option.

And, that would mean less revenue for big companies.

It’s all about the money.

BIG money.

Big, big money.

It’s not just tampons.  No.

What about disposable pads?  Ever think about the chemicals that are in those things?  Ew…and we place them snugly against our lady parts without consideration to what they are releasing into our bodies each time we sit on them.

And, diapers…disposable baby diapers.

What are we doing to ourselves, to our children…to their children?

It’s time these companies, that have taken our money for oh so long, to come clean about what they have been and continue to sell us.

And, it’s time for us to say “NO MORE!”

If they want our money, then they need to be open and honest with us about everything that’s in them.  We deserve that! YOU deserve that. Your daughter and granddaughter deserves that.

And, until they do – we need to rethink our menstrual hygiene in such a way to avoid using their products.

And, we need to warn others.

Buyers beware.

What’s in your tampon? It could be killing you and big business doesn’t want you to know, doesn’t want to lose your business…your money.

Sounds to me like they really don’t care about us…they just care about our money.

Be period wise.

Tell big business to stick it up theirs and you go find an alternative menstrual hygiene option that’s safe, healthy and reusable. Save the money you’ve been giving them and invest in yourself – invest in your dreams, not theirs.

That’s period wise.

Menstrual Hygiene Day

#MenstruationMatters

With that hashtag, people the world over are raising awareness about the role good menstrual hygiene management plays in enabling women and girls to reach their full potential.

Did you catch that?

…reach their full potential.

Has the lack of good menstrual hygiene management prevented you from reaching your full potential? What about your daughter?

Before you answer, think of the taboos surrounding menstruation and the issues faced by menstruating women – even here in the US.  Think about your own experiences at school, work, public restrooms….

Today is the first ever Menstrual Hygiene Day (or, #MenstrualHygiene Day on Twitter).

It’s a global opportunity to join together and break the silence, rip out taboos, and raise awareness about the need for good menstrual hygiene.

Imagine a world where every woman and girl is able to manage her menstruation in a hygienic manner – no matter where she is – and do so privately, safely and with dignity.

Dignity – how’s that for a word to associate with menstruation!

Let’s end the shame. #MenstruationMatters and so does #MenstrualHygiene.

For more information on Menstrual Hygiene Day, visit Menstrual Hygiene Day.Org.

#ConfidentCarry – An Appraisal

Was #ConfidentCarry worth it?

Short answer: yes.

Long answer:  yes, it was.

Would I do it again?

You betcha.

In fact, I’m going to do it every time I leave the house.

Why?

Because I believe it’s important that girls, teens and women see #confidentcarry of menstrual products on a regular basis.

Why hide?

Be period wise and appraise your method of carry and the reason why.

#ConfidentCarry – How it Changed Me

For one such as I who was taught from youth to conceal carry menstrual / feminine hygiene products, the idea of #confidentcarry stirred fears I thought long extinguished and concerns that were not period wise.

These were nothing more than nonsensical taboos learned years ago and still mirrored in society today. But, for a brief moment, they felt real…so real.

For that moment, that brief moment when sweat broke out on my brow, I was that teen who was so afraid of discovery, so afraid of leaking, so afraid of embarrassment, so afraid that someone would know…would see….

It was not my first time to  #confidentcarry.  But, it was the first time that #confidentcarry truly changed me.

How?

Taboos, even long forgotten ones, have power to enslave us.

#ConfidentCarry broke the final chains of the taboos of my yesterdays…taboos placed on me by well-meaning but misguided people and culture.

#ConfidentCarry freed me to be fully and simply me – whenever, however, with whatever I choose.

#Conficentcarry is period wise.

#ConfidentCarry – The Reactions of Others

I suppose the biggest concern about #confidentcarry and the reason most girls and women opt for concealed carry of menstrual supplies and other feminine hygiene needs is what others will say or think.

Pressure to conform to the norm is common in all areas of life.  People want what they are comfortable with and are quick to speak up when something attempts to move them beyond their comfort zone.

Nonconformity kicks the norm to the curb, ends taboos and creates a new way of doing things, offers a new attitude, and provides new insight.

Why is it such a “no-no” for menstrual / feminine hygiene products to be visible?  And, why is it a bad thing if others know we are menstruating? Why hide it? We act like menstruation is shameful. Did you know your attitude and behavior tells others who you are?  More importantly it tells them how they should treat you as well as how they should think and feel about things that concern you.

Ending menstrual taboos begins with us – with you and with me.

Reaction to #ConfidentCarry was a concern as I stepped out of my front door and into a world that expects (dare I say demands?) concealed carry and uses embarrassment as a means to control those who don’t conform.

As you read the reactions below, keep in mind that I was out in public with a large overnight pad stuck to the back of my shirt with #confidentcarry written on it.  5 or 6 large tampons were sticking out of my back pocket and I carried a clear plastic bag with brightly colored pads, wipes, a purple reusable menstrual cup and a disposable cup. All were highly visible and often carried with “in your face” attitude – from 11:00 a.m. until 8:00 p.m. Friday, May 9.)

Reactions to #ConfidentCarry:

  • From Daughter at various times before I left the house: You’re going to wear that on your shirt?  All day?  And, I’m going to be with you while you do? Does it have to be so big? I’m glad it’s you and not me. No way would I do something like that. This is crazy. Um…those tampons are going to show, you know.  Do you think you got a big enough plastic bag, I mean, how are you going to carry it…in your hand?
  • From Husband before he left for work: I know this is #ConfidentCarry Day. Does that mean during our date this evening you will, um…#confidentcarry? You will? Oh, boy…that’s going to be embarrassing.
  • Next door neighbor: quizzical look, frown, then smile and wave as I greet him.
  • Daughter as we drive to Home Depot: You’re really going to walk into Home Depot with that pad on your back? Oh, this I’ve gotta see.
  • Daughter upon exiting the car in the Home Depot parking lot: Go ahead Period Wise, I’ve got the camera. Hey, you just had to take the path that lead through the most people, didn’t you.
  • Customer Service Rep at the return counter when I placed my clear bag containing supplies on the counter: quick glance and nothing more.
  • Two salesmen approached us with an offer to redo our kitchen. They conversed for about 60 seconds and then I dropped my plastic bag and turned to pick it up. Daughter said their reaction was priceless when they saw what was in my bag, the pad on my back and the tampons in my pocket: Immediate shock – eyes big, mouth open, stuttering, looked at each other and back at me, then at her, then at my products again.  When I turned to face them again, it was evident they were flustered and embarrassed – faces red and they weren’t sure what to say.  They excused themselves and we parted ways.
  • Two women talking in Home Depot’s green house – as I passed them I slowed, their conversation stopped abruptly and there was a silent pause for a count of 10 and then conversation resumed as though nothing had interrupted them.
  • A group of 3 young female teens, displaying ethnic pride through their choice of clothing, paused their conversation and watched me, then whispered quietly amongst themselves.
  • A white haired man intentionally walked past me, paused and turned to look at me, walked past me again, paused and looked back at me once more.  For 5 minutes he wandered around with eyes turned my way, watching. When my eyes caught his, he smiled.
  • In Subway a woman took a picture of me from the rear.
  • While waiting in line at Subway a group of 4 young men seated at a table in view of me talked, pointed and snickered.
  • The man behind me in line at Subway took three steps backward when he saw what was on my back.
  • Two women followed me into the Subway parking lot and watched me get into the car.
  • At McDonald’s the only reaction I received was from a middle aged woman who seemed mesmerized by the pad on my back.
  • Several Walmart customers took notice – all women. No one commented. I received stares and smiles – not so much from the product I carried but from the pad on my back.
  • The cashier at Walmart saw my #confidentcarry clear bag when I placed it on the counter to count out $ to pay for my purchase. She looked at it long and hard, then at me, smiled and said, “Have a nice day!”
  • When I dropped by Mom’s house she asked, “What’s that stuck to the back of your shirt?” When I explained she said, “Well, it’s about time!” And, then, she said, “Are those tampons sticking out of your pocket? Let me see one. Wow, these are huge. I didn’t know they came this big!”
  • At Office Depot a man walked down the same aisle I was on, saw the pad on my back and wheeled around and exited quickly.
  • At Office Depot a tampon fell from my pocket and a worker said, “You dropped something.” I waited to see if she would pick it up for me and when she didn’t I thanked her, picked it up in such a way that I was sure she knew about #confidentcarry and then turned to look at her – eyes wide open…mouth, too.
  • At Kroger two people noted my #confidentcarry bag but said nothing and moved on.
  • At Kroger a girl noticed the sign on my back and asked the woman she was with what I had on my back and what it said.
  • At Zaxby’s four young women at a table began a #confidentcarry discussion upon seeing my #confidentcarry.

What was your reaction to #ConfidentCarry? What would have been your reaction if you’d seen me?

#ConfidentCarry – What Surprised Me

There were several surprises Friday, May 9 as I engaged in #confidentcarry. And, there were some in the days leading up to it.

I was surprised by those who did participate and by some who did not.

I was surprised that more women didn’t respond.

It surprised me that the reporter who broke the concealed carry story had no apparent interest in  sharing #confidentcarry with the mom or 17 year old daughter.

My daughter’s reaction and comments surprised me. As did my husband’s.  And, my mother’s…oh, they were precious!

The cold sweat that I broke out on my brow just before I stepped out my front door caught me by surprise.

The difficulty I had in choosing which products to #confidentcarry surprised me.  I thought I would just grab some pads / tampons / cup and head out.  But, no…I found that I wanted to go colorful.

My excitement was a surprise.

The confidence I felt as I went through with #confidentcarry was a total surprise – a wonderful surprise.  It made me more confident…more self-assure…more settled…more centered.

I was surprised that most people didn’t notice – not the huge overnight pad stuck to my back, the tampons in my pocket, the clear bag full of brightly colored products….

The fact that I wanted to continue to #confidentcarry (long after the pad slipped from my back early evening and refused to stick anymore) was a surprise.

The freedom I felt…the liberation and the openness surprised me.

The reactions of 3 men came as a complete surprise.

While I’m always comfortable in the feminine hygiene aisle, I was surprised that I felt so at home there.

It surprised me when I forgot that I was engaged in #confidentcarry and that there was a pad on my back. It felt natural – normal.

I was surprised that most people had a ‘so what?’ attitude toward public display of menstrual products…about #confidentcarry.

It came as a surprise when I actually felt different when #ConfidentCarry Day ended. I was surprised #ConfidentCarry changed me.

#ConfidentCarry – the biggest surprise is that it gave me a taste of what can be…should be.  And, that taste was delicious and demands more.

What surprised you about #confidentcarry?

#ConfidentCarry – What I Learned

As one who spends a good bit of her day talking menstruation (menstrual products, body awareness, cycle consciousness, etc) I was taken aback by the repression I felt before I ever stepped foot out of my house #ConfidentCarry morning.

Pressure to conform to behavior that brought NO attention to menstruation was applied through subtle questions and not so subtle comments made by family members.

I knew to expect some resistance from without.  But, from my own family? And…from deep within myself?  That little voice of reason within kept whispering ages-old-wisdom to me (aka taboos).

Menstrual shame is so deeply ingrained within us, within society. Societal norms contradicted everything I was about to do.

As I stepped from my front porch and walked toward the car, I felt as though a spotlight was on me and my very being was magnified larger than life.  It had been a long, long time since I’d felt that self-conscious.  I felt like everyone was looking at me…at the pad on my back.

In fact, no one was.

As my daughter and I headed to our scheduled stops, I imagined several possible scenarios – reactions, interactions…and what I hoped to accomplish in each.

#ConfidentCarry was a terrific learning tool.  Here are some things I learned. (I say “some” because I am continually discovering things I learned as I play the event over in my mind.)

  • Menstrual shame is deeply ingrained in society.
  • Public display of personal feminine hygiene products is beyond the comfort zone of most.
  • People are curious and amazingly open.
  • Older women are more accepting of #confidentcarry than younger.
  • Men displayed the most discomfort and the most curiosity.
  • Young men were more apt to vocalize their uneasiness with laughter and crude comments.
  • Girls and teens are watching…ever watching.  They notice everything.
  • Self-consciousness fades as self-confidence builds.
  • #Confidentcarry triggered something (memory, comment, event) deep within every woman who noticed the overnight pad stuck to my back.
  • The longer I was in #confidentcarry mode, the more confident I became – I didn’t feel a need to hide ANYTHING. It was liberating.
  • After the initial surprise of seeing the pad on my back for what it was, life went on…conversations continued…it was nothing to get excited about.
  • Period products are packaged for #confidentcarry – have you noticed?
  • I found myself wanting to show my product off, inquire of others what they were carrying, and compare (like kids with collectable cards).
  • There is great curiosity about menstruation and menstrual products. And, a great need for openness.
  • We fear what we don’t understand and create taboos. Breaking taboos can be as simple as #confidentcarry.
  • Menstruation education is woefully lacking – for girls and for boys.  Concealed carry only adds to the mystery, perpetuates myths and strengthens taboos.
  • People become comfortable with what they are repeatedly exposed to. Over a brief time, #confidentcarry became the norm.
  • Hey – it’s a tampon…pad…cup. What’s the big deal anyway?

Truth, as I see it.  And, period wise, too.

What did you learn from #confidentcarry?