Category Archives: Girl

Girl Wise

I watched a brief video of my 3 month old granddaughter this evening.

She’s precious – oh, so precious.

And, she’s girl – all girl.  From the top of her red head, to her hiccupy giggle, to her tiny toes, this baby is girl.

100% girl.

I feel such emotion for this child…this grandchild of mine.

For, I am girl, too.

I hope her dad never tells her she can’t do something because she is girl. And, I hope he never says a negative word about menstruation in her presence, especially about her own.

it’s easier to speak with those I don’t know or can’t see (via tweets, emails, phone calls) about issues dear to the heart than it is to find words and opportunity to speak and address important things that can make or break the way this girl sees her girl experience and herself as girl.

I thought I had adequately prepared my son for things menstrual.  But, in my preparation, I failed to consider that one day he would be instrumental in the attitude and views his daughter would have about herself and her periods.

How do I tell him what’s on my heart?

How do I speak the words that are more emotion than vowels and consonants?

Where do I begin?  How do I begin?

I will craft a letter.  It will begin like this:

Dear Son,

You are the most influential person in girl’s life.  She will see herself through your eyes and your words will be what drafts her identity.

She is girl. Embrace that early and never speak against it. Lift her girlness high and hold it in esteem.  Refrain from making light of her tears, of her emotions, of her inability to be/act/ react as boy (why would she want or need to? She is girl).

She is girl.  One day she will enter puberty and the transformation she was born for will begin. She will grow breasts, and pubic hair, and, yes, she will have periods and all the wonders that go with it.

She will look to you for affirmation and confirmation of her identity as girl and her evolving identity as woman. Don’t let her down. Lift her up. Empower her to embrace all that being girl involves.  Love her and teach her to love herself as girl.  Allow her to experiment and experience life, but never give her cause to hate being girl.

Ah, my heart is too full to continue.

And, my mind is too full of memories from my own girlhood…of my dad…of my own girl experiences and struggles.

I wonder…have you any advice for me?  How can I help my son become girl wise and thereby capable of becoming period wise?

Preventing Childhood Sexual Abuse

Would you be embarrassed or find it difficult to tell you child (or grandchild), “Don’t touch that, it’s hot!” or, “Always look both ways before crossing the street” or, “If you eat that, it will make you sick and you might die.”

Of course not!  You love your children (and grandchildren) and want them happy, healthy, and whole.  And, you are willing to say and do anything that will keep them safe.

So, why do we often delay telling our children (and grandchildren) about other ways to keep themselves safe?  Why do we find it difficult to talk with them about Stranger Danger, about sexual predators and the possibility of/potential for sexual abuse?

Is it because we are uncomfortable with the topic ourselves? Or, do we truly have our heads in the proverbial sand thinking it can’t/won’t happen to anyone we love and care about?

I came across a blog post the other day by Amanda Morin on Popsugar.com entitled “Why I Had to Talk to My Kids About Sex Offenders.”

I could think of a lot of reasons why she NEEDED to but was curious about why she HAD to.

Two paragraphs into her piece I discovered why.

Last year, though, I was blindsided when someone in my family was sentenced on charges of possession of sexually explicit material. This was a difficult conversation I never thought to have with my kids — a conversation about child pornography and sexual predators.

And, of course, after her discover came the concern/fear that this important conversation with her children may be too late.

As any mother would, she immediately wondered if her own children had been victimized in any way by this family member.

What would you do if you discovered a family member or close friend had been charged with a sexual crime involving children? Would you know how to approach your children (grandchildren)?

Did you know that most perpetrators are people known by the child and trusted by them?  And, trusted by the parents as well?

Stranger Danger is real, but the home grown variety is most often the greatest threat.

Friends, family members, teachers/clergy/coaches have opportunity to become close to your child and to gain their trust. This is how life is.

But, if their interest in your child is other than wholesome, they have opportunity to not only abuse them, but to groom them in preparation for years of abusive behavior.

This is why it’s necessary to talk with your children (grandchildren) – not to alarm them or to scare them, but to arm them and enable them to protect themselves.  Children often do not know it’s okay to tell an adult “no.”  They need us to give them that permission and for us to let them know that if “no” is not heeded, it’s okay to scream and kick and enlist the help of others and not worry about upsetting the adult who won’t take “no” for an answer.

And, we need to let our children (grandchildren) know it’s okay to come to us with anything, even if it’s something they feel uncomfortable, confused or scared about.

Here are a few links to help begin conversation among adults who care for/about children and age appropriate conversations with the children (grandchildren) in your care.

A recent event in our local news reminded me that parents are usually the last to know if/when their children are being abused. And, that, my friends, is a scary thought.

A 46-year-old man was arrested and accused of sneaking into a home through an open bedroom window and having sex with a young girl in her own bed. Police said it all happened while her parents slept just down the hallway.

“The fact that the suspect was going to the residence with the parents at home — that’s what’s quite disturbing,” said Major Bill Sharp with the Rutherford County Sheriff’s Department. — by Nick Beres  (Read more.)

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.

  • Did you know that girls who are sexually or physically abused may reach menarche earlier or later than average?
  • Are you aware that girls who are sexually abused often have emotional issues regarding their periods?
  • Did you know that monthly bleeding of menstruation can be a trigger that brings up memories of trauma, assault, abuse – and can be difficult to overcome because of its recurring nature?

Be period wise.

Girls on Their Periods Info!

You may think it takes years to become period wise –  Ann Dillard proves otherwise!

If you’ve not seen her period wise YouTube video, “Girls on Their Periods Info!”, you’re missing out on something really special!

Here are some of her period wise quotes:

  • Don’t assume that we’re on our periods because we’re moody.  We could just not like you at all.
  • If you know a girl on her period don’t take it personal if she’s yelling at you.
  • It’s confusing as heck!
  • This is a subject that had to be spoken about.
  • Guys with girlfriends, buy her some pads or tampons or something – show her you support her. Buy her a chocolate box that’s this big!

Grab your favorite girl and check out “Girls on Their Periods Info!” here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pfvjpofj6ZQ&feature=youtu.be

Who Determines Your Worth?

I picked up the Avon book (Campaign 4, 2013) lying on my desk and leafed through it.

I’m not a girly-girl and don’t have much interest in jewelry, perfume, makeup, or “fashionable” things.  (Who exactly is it that determines what’s fashionable and what’s not??)

But, I do enjoy looking at the colors and shapes of things Avon wants me to purchase.

AND, I enjoy reading the descriptions of the items for sale.

Here’s one: “Put your best face forward. Leave your flaws behind.”  You’ve probably guessed this is an attempt to sell their foundation (makeup that covers your face and hides “flaws.”)

Isn’t that hilarious?

Have you ever considered that Avon (and others) assume you are ugly and kindly suggest their makeup is better than putting a bag over your head?  Read it again if you don’t believe me.  Would you buy something from someone who has the gall to assume that you are ugly without their makeup?

Hello?  Leave your flaws behind? What flaws?

  • The wrinkles that crease my face?  Hey, I’ve earned every one of them!
  • The freckles that grace my cheeks? Those are kisses from the sun!
  • The scar above my right eyebrow? I won that!
  • My rosy cheeks?  That’s the color of health!
  • That little bump on my chin? That’s proof my hormones are still working!

These “flaws” are what make me uniquely ME!  When I look in the mirror I want to see ME, not some Barbie Doll image of me.

Put my best face forward?  I only have one face and it’s the one my friends and family love to see.  Why would I want to cover it?  Who do I need to hide myself from?

My dad said “a little paint will make any old barn look better” and I guess there’s truth in that statement. Enhancing what we like about ourselves – that’s one thing.  Feeling we have to cover up “flaws” to put our “best face forward” is quite another.

And, I’ll admit it angers me.  If grown women are falling for this type of advertisement, what about girls?

When a girl reads Avon’s words: “put your best face forward – leave your flaws behind” her first thought is to look in the mirror and find her “flaws.” And, she will use the air brushed picture of the make up covered model as the template for determining what “flaws” she has.

Who determines your worth?

Companies and corporations that know nothing about us and care only for our money tell us what to think about ourselves, how to see ourselves, and that without their product we are less than we should be.

We believe their lies.

Why?

Because we want to look the best we can and care little about being the best we can.  Beauty comes from within – not from something applied to the surface.

Before you buy, ask yourself why.

At 6 years of age, I pointed to a young friend who had a mark on her face and said “look, she has a mole!”  Mom quietly corrected me and my opinion of her worth – “it’s not a mole, it’s a beauty mark.”

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Look in the mirror and see who you really are.  You might be surprised.

Full Throttle

Yesterday, Danica Patrick became the first woman to secure the top spot for any race in NASCAR’s premier circuit when she won the Daytona 500 pole with a 196.434 mph lap.

“I was brought up to be the fastest driver, not the fastest girl. That was instilled in me from very young, from the beginning. Then I feel like thriving in those moments, where the pressure’s on, has also been a help for me. I also feel like I’ve been lucky in my career to be with good teams and have good people around me. I don’t think any of it would have been possible without that. For those reasons, I’ve been lucky enough to make history, be the first woman to do many things. I really just hope that I don’t stop doing that. We have a lot more history to make. We are excited to do it.” — Danica Patrick

I wonder…what are we instilling in our girls?

My hope is we are encouraging them to embrace life and live it full throttle!

This hurts! I Feel Like I’m in Labor, Ow!

Menstrual cramps are a monthly reality for many and for some they are disabling.

What advice would you give a young woman who expresses her menstrual pain as “I’m trying to walk, this really hurts. I feel like I’m in labor. This hurts! Contraction!”

If you think of the uterus as a muscle (which it is) and menstrual cramps as a “charlie horse” of the uterus (muscle contracts strongly/cramps up, cutting off blood flow to the muscle, causing pain, soreness, etc) then it makes sense to treat menstrual cramps as uterine charlie horses. Period cramps are just that – cramps.  And, cramps are exaggerated/strong contractions. One of the functions of the uterus is to expel by contracting (that’s how babies are born and it also aids in expulsion of menstrual fluid).

Take 47 seconds and view Alexis Chaffin’s “Cramp vlog” below. Then join me afterward and let’s provide a list of known helps for menstrual cramps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eUfx0Suz7bE

Tips for relieving menstrual cramps/uterine charlie horses:

  1. Massage (more information)
  2. Ibuprofen (take as soon as your period begins, or just prior to its start)
  3. Heat to lower abdomen or lower back
  4. Rest
  5. Gentle exercise (many find activity helps)
  6. Calcium/potassium (chocolate milk and a banana – which many crave during their period)
  7. (Please continue the list with your suggestion(s) in the comment section.)

On Your Own

How old were you when you realized you were on your own, period wise?

This became a reality for a 12 year old friend of mine when her period began while at church

It was unexpected and she was unprepared.

And so was her mom.

(You know how it is – you don’t miss something until you need it and that last pad used during your last period, that wasn’t replaced, sure is missed when you start somewhere other than home.)

I asked if she had requested a pad of any of the women present.

No, that thought didn’t even enter her mind.

When asked what she did, she proudly announced that she put toilet paper in her panty and tied her jacket around her waist.

Then she said, “It really wasn’t a big deal.”

(Wasn’t a big deal….  I’m glad it wasn’t.  As we know, It could have been a really big deal – and may be the next time she’s caught unprepared.)

I left her with several suggestions, period wise.

  1. Keep a pad in your purse and one in Mom’s purse.  You never know when you/Mom/or someone else might need it.
  2. Stash a few pads at church, in the women’s restroom or someplace you can quickly and easily access.
  3. Place a pad in your mom’s/dad’s car (dashboard glove compartment is ideal).
  4. Consider using a small makeup bag for keeping pads, wipes and a spare pair of panties handy. (can be kept in Mom’s trunk, under the car seat, restroom at church, locker, backpack, purse)
  5. Be sure to replace any of the stashed pads used – that way you are always prepared.
  6. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for a pad. Women have periods and many keep something in their purse for “just in case” and will be happy to share.
  7. Talk with your church’s women’s group and ask about creating a “for emergency” bag which can hang on the hook inside each stall in the women’s restroom (small gift bag containing a wipe, pad, liner, tampon)

Unexpected and unprepared are two words that often equal “big deal” when used in regard to our periods.

And, we often feel we are on our own when it comes to managing our periods. We deal with it, like my 12 year old friend, privately. We make do, the best we can with what we have, and hope it doesn’t become a big deal. When in reality, we don’t have to “go it alone!”

It’s so much easier when we menstruate in community – open to sharing, to discussing, to learning. Imagine this precious 12 year old saying to you, “My period started, do you have a pad I can use?” and you saying to her as you reach into your purse, “Sure! Here, I’m so glad you asked! Don’t worry, it’s happened to all of us!”

What period wise suggestions would you offer a tween or teen new to menstruation?