Author Archives: Suzan

About Suzan

menstrual activist , alternative product advocate, TSS survivor

Dancing with Dad

She was in the wedding.  Her favorite (and only) uncle was getting married and she was a junior bridesmaid.

Almost 7, she was, and full of life and eager to live it.

She was getting a new aunt.  There was going to be a party afterward.

Her excitement was contagious. Her antics were comical. Her desire to be a part of things, precious. Her older sister (by 2 years) was also a junior bridesmaid and took things a bit more seriously and with less zest.

As she took her place among the bridesmaids, she looked to them for affirmation and correction.  A nod of their heads was all she needed to feel secure in her place but soon forgot she was not the center of attention.

After all, she was the center of her own world and surely that of her uncle. Her joy could not be contained and as an expression of what she felt inside, her body took on the stance of a ballerina. The gentle touch of the nearest bridesmaid’s hand prevented the intended pirouette.

To dance…that’s all she wanted.  Everything in her desired to act out what her heart felt.

Later, at the reception she would have opportunity to release her emotions and express her joy.  And, she did.  For three hours, she jumped and danced and wiggled and squealed.  Her partners ranged from her sister, to a group of teens, to the bride, and then to a bottle of bubbles….

The last dance was a slow dance.

Her dad offered his hand and she took it.  He lifted her from the stage from which she had danced solo, and after a quick peck on the cheek, placed her feet on the dance floor. He bent over, took her hand and led her in a slow dance around the floor. As the song reached midway, she raised her hands to him and he lifted her, cradling her against his chest.  She wrapped her legs around his torso, her arms around his neck, and placed her head on his shoulder.  Dad wrapped his arms around her and danced with her until the music was nearing its end.  He set her on the floor, spun her once and then dipped her gently and as he brought her up, kissed her forehead.

Dancing with Daddy taught her much.  Far more than she realized.  Daddy will influence her thoughts and views on boys and men for years to come.  And, she will expect them to mirror her dad’s treatment of her.

Good for her.

And, good for Dad.

Things will soon get interesting for this Dad of Daughters. I hope he will be up for whatever comes and the girls under his watchful care thrive and embrace the changes with grace and ease, knowing their dad loves them, accepts them, and is comfortable with all the changes that puberty brings.

Dads who are period wise raise daughters who are confident, secure, comfortable, and capable of fully embracing the changes that come as they move from girlhood into womanhood.

Scales Don’t Lie

As Summer slipped into Autumn, I noticed the number on the scale begin an upward creep.

A half pound is not much.

Weight vacillates.  Too much salt, weight goes up. Dehydrated, weight goes down. I’m accustomed to watching the scale relate my fluid level on a daily basis.

Cycle changes can instantly add an additional 10 pounds and then subtract it.

So, when my weight showed an inclination to rise, hold steady, and then rise again, I took immediate action.

I blamed it on hormones.  Then, I upped my caloric intake and reduced my activity.  I craved sugar, so, since the season of all things sweet was nearing, i began to celebrate with candy.

October, November, and December were sweet months…filled with tempting confections that I didn’t resist.

While active in the Summer, I was able to eat anything I wanted and still lose weight.  But, with the coming of the cooler, slower, less active months, my metabolism slowed.  I lost muscle mass and gained lazy fat.

And, here I am on the back side of New Year’s wondering what happened and how – and what to do about it.

Stop blaming hormones. Cut calories, kick sugar to the curb, eat natural, push myself physically….yes, I know what to do and I know how to do it.

It’s a matter of doing it.

Spring? Where are you?  Yet three months away…by the time of its arrival I will have packed on 10 more pounds.

Losing 10 pounds creates enough angst.  The thought of losing 20, well…let’s not go there.

Truly.  Let’s not.

So, no matter the weather – no matter the temp, I’m lacing up my shoes and heading out to build lean muscle and burn off this jiggle.

What took me 3 months to pack on will take me 6 to take off.

Memo to self:

Get period wise, woman! Work your cycle – don’t let it work you!  

Nuff said.  I’m up from here.

2015 – Let’s Shake It Up

A new year prompts reflection, regrets, and resolutions.

I could have….

If only I had….

I’m going to….

On this first day of the new year, let’s shake it up.

Each month of 2015, do something different, period wise.

Think —

  1. Every time my period starts I
  2. The menstrual products I always rely on are
  3. My attitude about my period is
  4. I share the fact that I’m menstrual with
  5. The clothes I wear during my period are
  6. Fears and concerns I have
  7. My period panties resemble
  8. When on my period, I have never
  9. It’s always the same when on my period, I
  10. The last time I tried a new product was
  11. Openness about my menstrual experience with girls within my influence is something I
  12. My favorite cycle day is ____ because

As you glanced through the 12 thoughts above, images, feelings probably flashed through your mind. I know they did mine.

Let these drive you to shake it up period wise in 2015!

Farewell 2014

2014 will soon be little more than a bundle of memories captured in words and pictures, thoughts and things.

2015 will provide new opportunities to narrow focus and lean hard into what’s important.

What’s important?

Why, all things period wise, of course!

Take a moment and think back over your year, period wise.

  • What changes should you make going forward into 2015?
  • How would you like your experience to be different?
  • Who, within your influence, could benefit from your insight?

Ready or not, here it comes!  Five, four, three, two, one…Happy New Year!

Myth? Mystery? Meaningful? What are You Teaching the Girls in Your Life?

A recent tweet invoked my ire.

@ProvedByScience: If a girl wears regular underwear with yoga pants, she’s a virgin. This is science.

 

 

 

 

 

My reply was simple.

@PeriodWise @ProvedByScience define “girl”

144 characters limited what I could say and there was NO WAY I could say all I wanted to in one tweet. So, I began small and hoped to engage in conversation.

This morning when I searched for the original @ProvedByScience tweet I found only my reply and one RT to which was added “Guess I’m a virgin then lol”

LOL?  Seriously?

Are we so accustomed to this type thing that we find it funny? Or, feel we should laugh it off and go along with the joke. If so, then the joke’s on us.

It’s not funny.  It’s demeaning.  It makes girls nothing but an object to be labeled, manipulated, and used (need I say abused?).

And girls who grow up labeled, manipulated and used / abused become woman who accept such treatment and propagate it, often without even realizing it.

Girls are easily impressed by things heard & seen.  And, girls are often eager to be what they think is expected of them.

Take a look at the verbal cues your girls receive on a daily, moment by moment basis (in school, church, at home, from friends, the TV, in songs, from guys). If you’re not alarmed, you should be.

From an early age, girls are told what their place in society is. And, they are told what’s expected of them, how they should think about themselves, how they should dress, act…who they should be.

Myths, lies, misinformation – these and more create a mystery-laden-quagmire for girls that leads them to misunderstand themselves and their place and position in the world.

Confused and misinformed girls become – that’s right – confused and misinformed women.

Women, it’s time to arise, name and claim who we are, what we are, and stand against anything that defames, degrades, or denigrates girls / women.

Girls / women…the term seems interchangeable, doesn’t it?  But, it’s not.  Girls are not yet women.  And, women are no longer girls.  We women need to protect girls from those who would teach them to be other than and less than they are and can be.

Stand up for the girls within your reach and realm of influence.

Be a voice that dispels myths, decodes mysteries, and opens the door to honest/open discussion.

Small Business is Big – Where to Buy

The Black Friday ad appeared on my desk mysteriously in my absence yesterday.  Black Friday sales do not move me. 

The thought of spurning stores that force their employees to work on Thanksgiving and taking my business to stores that honor the same values I do is growing on me.

I shouldn’t allow someone who doesn’t know me or care about me to tell me what I want, need, can’t live without.  Why would I even want to spend MY money in THEIR store?

Let’s get period wise for a moment.  Menstruation is personal – each cycle is unique.  Who do you trust your menstrual needs to and why?  Do they truly care about YOU?  Hey! What’s in their product? How safe is it (long and short term)?  Are they willing to work with you to tailor the product, or your use of it, to your individual menstrual needs and experience?

Small businesses, privately owned and personally operated, offer an amazing variety of menstrual products that can often be tailored to your particular menstrual needs.  Their customer service is terrific – why? Because they care, really care.

Instead of listing the names and contact information of small businesses devoted to providing quality menstrual products, I encourage you to share your business, or one you frequent in the comment section below.  Be sure to share contact information and what menstrual product(s) you specialize in.

Happy Thanksgiving, All!

New Puberty – A Crucial Resource for Parents

The day dawned like any other day.  The signs where there, but I pulled the cover over my head and turned over.  Surely I was mistaken – it wasn’t time for the day to start.

So it was with my daughter.  The signs where there, but either I didn’t recognize them or I pulled the cover over my head and declared it too early and me not ready to face the dawning of puberty in her.

Hands and feet were the first to grow.  Oh, how her feet grew.  It seemed that overnight she went from a size 8 child’s shoe to a woman’s size 9.  Her appetite became insatiable and her weight climbed.  Her breasts budded then quickly blossomed far beyond my expectation and well beyond her delight.

She wasn’t ready, did not want, rejected facts undeniable, insisted she was not / could not / would not ever….  She wasn’t having any of it.

Puberty had its unrelenting, undeniable way with her. And, she hated it.  All of it.  Cute girl’s shoes no longer fit her.  She wore shoes like her grandma.  Bras were confining and uncomfortable. And, wear a pad – ick – she could feel it.  All were a hated intrusion on her and an interruption to her ability to enjoy carefree childhood.

My little girl was developing the body of a woman.

Dressing her became a nightmare. Cute size 8 clothes that she loved were left hanging on the rack while larger, more mature clothing were selected out of necessity. “I look like Grandma” was her response. Everything had to be altered.  If it fit her one place, it didn’t another.  And, the length was always too long.

I knew it would happen. (One day.) Girls become women. It’s a process (meaning s-l-o-w) and puberty plays a huge role.  Over time girls grow up.   She knew that one day she would grow into a woman.

One day is always far in the future.  When you’re 8, there’s too much living to be done and fun to be had to worry about what can and will happen one day.

I knew it was possible for puberty to arrive early.  It did for her paternal grandmother – her first period was at age 9. But, I also knew that I experienced puberty late, as did my mother and her mother.  I assumed the same for her.

I steeled myself against the possibility. Surely puberty would not arrive until I was ready…she was ready.

Ah…I’d pulled the cover over my head in denial and allowed my daughter to do the same.

“One day you will have breasts and pubes and a period like Mommy.” How many times had I told her that to her inquiries as of why and what and when?

One day.

But, not today….

Oh, how I wish The New Puberty: How to Navigate Early Development in Today’s Girls had been in my hands when my daughter was little.  It would have given me the tools to help her accept her changing body and move gently through puberty.  I would have known what to do – and how.  And, equally important – what to avoid doing and why.

Instead of covering my head and refusing to face the dawning of “one day,” I would have been busy before dawn – ready to seize the day and squeeze every bit of good from it every day of her journey.

If you have a girl – get The New Puberty.  Get it even if you don’t anticipate her entering puberty early.  It’s a resource and wealth of information at your fingertips. It will change you.  Yes, you.  You experienced puberty and I’m guessing your experience was not all positive or pleasant.  This book has the potential to change your outlook and your daughter’s experience.

The New Puberty: How to Navigate Early Development in Today’s Girls is a crucial resource for today’s parents and a period wise investment.

 

Wondering about the Lily Cup Compact?

Bree, of Precious Stars Pads fame, has reviewed the new Lily Cup Compact and shares her pros and cons. Watch her video and then slip below for thoughts, period wise.

Yes, the Lily Cup Compact is intriguing. Most new things are at first. And, its bubble gum pinkness is appealing.

Is this something I would recommend as a period wise investment?

No.

Why not?

Every menstrual cup that I’ve handled collapses small enough to easily slip into a pocket, a small purse, or even your hand if concealment is a concern. And, the wonderful thing about all menstrual cups is that you can have it with you or WITHIN you if you are anticipating your period’s start and want to be prepared.

Little Big Girls

Little Big Girls is a documentary, by Hélène Choquette, National Film Board of Canada,  highlighting the phenomenon of early puberty in girls.

Phenomenon?

Yes!

To quote the documentary: “Girls are getting breasts 1 year earlier than 20 years ago.”  “No one knows why this is happening.  This is cause for action.”

This has been observed and studied by researchers who do not understand and cannot put their finger on why it’s happening.  This meets the definition of phenomenon.

So what’s the big deal? Girls have been entering puberty early, at age 9, for years.  My own mother-in-law experienced her first period at age 9 in 1936. So, this is nothing new, right?

Right.  And, WRONG!

Sure, it’s true that 20, 40, 80 years ago some girls entered puberty earlier than the norm. But, it was a rare occurrence.

Not so these days.

Today it’s not unusual to see signs of early puberty in girls age 7 – or younger.

A number of causes are suspected: could obesity and exposure to environmental contaminants, for instance, be to blame? The physical, psychological and psychosocial repercussions on young girls results in a disconnect between their physical and emotional maturity. Far from being a marginal issue, early-onset puberty is fast becoming a worldwide public health concern. (Read more.)

If the above quote was a bit much to grasp fully, consider the quotes below.  They were taken from the documentary – from the lips of young women who entered puberty early, who developed a woman’s body in 3rd and 4th grades and their struggle to find normal in a body they didn’t understand or want.

You realize you have to grow up.  There’s nothing you can do.

…like a stroke of bad luck…too soon…wasn’t ready yet…psychologically or physically…wanted to be at the same stage as the other girls in my school.

I didn’t want it. …inconceivable for me not to be normal. At that age you just want to be normal. You want to be accepted. …just further proof that I wasn’t normal.  I thought I would be even more of an outcast if people found out.  You want it to STOP.

In grade 4…it’s just not fair!

I was the biggest outcast because I looked older and because I was curvier than everybody else. They would insult me for not being like them. Basically, I was as much of a child as they were. I had the same interests, watched the same shows, did exactly the same things.  Just because my body had changed didn’t mean that I had changed as a person.

Given that I didn’t have a child’s body, I ended up maturing a little faster, too.

Unfortunately, I think my childhood went by too quickly….

It’s important to understand that girls who enter puberty early face many obstacles – relational, physical, psychological, emotional, sexual.

Yes, sexual.

The body is ready but the head is not.  Physically their bodies are ready for sexual experiences. The urges and curiosity are there. But, psychologically they are not ready because they are still little girls.  They are naive…seek approval…are too eager to please…easily manipulated…too often used…abused.

Watch the documentary. Please.  For the sake of every girl who is and who will be impacted by early puberty.

It’s FREE only for this weekend.

Have you known girls who started puberty quite young?  What challenges did they face?

Have you ever treated a girl based on the age you felt she looked rather than by her chronological age?

Vagina

Say it with me – Vagina.

Again – Vagina.

One more time.  Vagina.

Now say “vulva.”

Say it again – Vulva.

Now wasn’t that easy?

And, wasn’t it faster and less complicated than saying, “um, my, ah, private lady parts, you know, haha, um….” Because, no, I don’t know and apparently you don’t either.  And, neither will your doctor.

Vagina. There’s nothing dirty about the word. And, there’s nothing nasty about vaginas.

I have one. You have one.  Your mother has one. Your daughter has one. Your girlfriend has one.

Vagina. Vagina. Vagina.  What’s the big deal with saying vagina?

Why are we embarrassed by the word?  Are we embarrassed to have a vagina?  Are we ashamed of her?  …afraid of her?

Why is it so hard for so many to say “vagina”?

Or, vulva? Or, vestibule? Or, labia? Or, clitoris?

We have no problem saying ear, fingernail, belly button, nose, elbow, or big toe.

Why can we not accept these feminine parts of our anatomy as good, honorable, delightful and worthy of kind consideration?

Why deny their existence? Why hesitate to speak their names?

Period wise, we would be up a creek without a paddle if we had no vagina to hold our tampons or menstrual cups and no vulva against which to place our pads.

We are women, body proud and period wise. Let’s honor ourselves and our femininity through our confident use of delightful words that spell out who we are.